self-check

I have gone through a series of self-checks before. But those self-checks deemed insignificant after a period of time when I have forgotten the lessons learned behind a particular incident that I believed to have a big participation in. I may have gone through a lot of struggles and sadness but it was a challenge for me to remain poised and maintain my composure.

Surely this time I undoubtedly FAILED. I made an effort to keep my balance but I fell from the high-wire that I've been crossing for some time... and the hands that held me from falling has a reason why He let go, why He let it happen... and the reason remains still a mystery until I have overcome this painful chapter in my life.

I kept on listening on the gentle whispers... "God has a reason for all this" and this is not the time for me to discover the whole truth behind this painful chapter. But it will come to me in a good time when all is calm and my mind is open to change. It is the only time when meekness comes in and I have all the eagerness to learn as that of a child.

The only choice that I have is to face all the difficulties of the present time. If I am lucky enough to escape, it will continue to haunt me in another place and time. It is important for me to pick up the pieces of my life and accept the things that have happened. As a proverb may have put it "Something that happened once will never happen again... but when it happens twice, it will definitely happen the third time."

I do not fear to commit a mistake, nor do I fear of being an imperfect being. But I fear of not having to learn from my mistakes, and if I do not learn, it will surely happen again until such time that I have learned from the unavoidable circumstances. I do not want to learn when the time comes that I'm already old. I am trying my best to correct my mistakes while I'm younger... but I realized that I should not be in a hurry, for being in haste will only delay the learning process and would only be susceptible to risks of us having more errors than that of the first encounter.