Hurrah...

Excuse me for this very dry victory cheer. I just thought it might help to be a little cheerful. Since I have been trapped in quicksand for quite sometime, it seems that I've been wallowing for too long (or so, I have finally noticed)... Special mention, my friend Kitz once posted a note a long time ago (March 13, I didn't see that because I was trying to avoid SNSes) saying that I should get off my butt and take baby steps one at a time until I find myself able to be genuinely happy again. It's too bad to put up a front... since I'm not used to faking my feelings in front of people, I just chose to hide from the eyes of the curious... oh well, have to face the facts once and for all whether it meant shame or humiliation. It's just a part of my life and I could never run away from it... (not like the person I thought know too well... ehem...) After this maybe I could say that the word C.O.W.A.R.D should not be burned across my forehead... I WISH that they find the right person that deserves that word! hah! (bitter?) It's hard for me to be the root of another person's sorrow... and it's even harder for my name to be murdered over and over again for all the hurt I've caused them... I pleaded for forgiveness but I guess it's just not enough... what is? I learned a lot... I realized that to be able to be forgiven by others, we should offer our forgiveness too - especially to the ones that have really hurt us so much. And the feeling is totally liberating! You forgive, but do not expect that person to change overnight... you just forgive and trust the Lord will find his way into that person's heart. You forgive, but do not prove your point nor tell the person how you were aggravated and that he or she should be forever guilty of the sin for it is useless because the realization should come from the person himself and not you... we cannot insist on how we feel because they will never understand nor empathize... not just YET... and don't wait for that to happen because it will only be a waste of precious time and energy. It's better to continue with our lives and believe that we can do better if we work harder. Aja!!! Eeek... I should practice what I preach!!! As for me I nearly lost my mind... I keep on looking at photos... I have come to a point when I was over analyzing things... lurid scenes kept on rewinding in my mind. It's spinning in my head over and over and over again. Then I'd pray for God to take them away from me... the things that cause any suffering and pain... I hope to find myself at peace...and I just hope to stay that way for good